Lost in Thought

There are four dates that are engrained in my memory:

October 19, 2004
May 24, 2005

March 9, 2007

July 8, 2007

Two of those days are filled with happiness and celebration. They are the birthdays of my nephew, Devin, and my niece, Allison. Unfortunately, we've had to add a dash (–) between the two dates in each "set." The second date is what we call their Angel Day. It's the day they were called away from us  and our hearts were broken, our eyes filled with tears and thousands of "whys" and "what ifs" overwhelmed our thoughts.

I'm aware that many people lose children. That many people walk the road that our families do, but that knowledge doesn't change the heart ache I feel on the days listed above. Devin would be turning nine this year and Allison would have turned six in March. I find both facts almost impossible to believe because both of them are frozen in time. Devin as a seven-month-old, and Allison as an almost four-month-old.

Every birthday and anniversary that passes, I find myself lost in thought and thinking solely of them. I try desperately not to recall the events of their deaths as it's too painful even all these years later to recount. I don't want to degrade my "position" as their aunt, but I cannot fathom the emotions my sister and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law go through each year that passes.

Although life, stress and commitments often make me forget, I try to remember that tomorrow isn't a guarantee. Life is short. I'm thankful for every breath my babies breathe and every morning they wake. I'm thankful for each day I have with my family. For every smile. Laugh. Cry.

To our angel babies — we love you and miss you terribly.